Sunday, October 24, 2010


I am not including screenshots. Use your magical imagination, you will be better-served. Imagine that someone had watched SAW and only SAW for years, and that SAW had been this person's only friend, aside from the urine-colored lighting that showed up once a week or so to deliver Fig Newtons and epsom salt and other essentials. Now imagine that person grown into an adult, given the opportunity to make a standout horror film, but instead delivering a film about a bunch of interchangeable people kidnapped by a Santa/Gunnar Hansen tribute artist and made to endure horsey-type breaking for some unknown end. This is torture PORN. PORN because no effort is made to establish characters (aside from "hey, she's his sister") or motivation (aside from "brothels", because there is clearly a shortage of willing women workers for brothels of the world).

Most of this is LOUD NOISE horror, insisting upon its importance with camera quivers and shrieky sounds. None of it is especially compelling. It's shot with too much sharpness to make good grindhouse and lacks any reason for me as a viewer to care about any of those people. Hey, they're getting drunk! I've been drunk before and, in fact, am schwasted right now! But it's not enough to convince me to donate my precious concern to their plight, adorned as these girls and boys are in horsey restraints. If this were a documentary, I could not care less.

#25 of 31.

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