Sunday, December 4, 2011

IMPALER (2007)

After October's engorgement, I don't feel up to analyzing lengthy and often overlengthy horror movies, so I'm probably going to slowly fill up this blog with a few documentaries.  First is IMPALER, which covers the  gubernatorial campaign of "self-proclaimed" (this gets said A LOT) vampyre, Satanist, and wrestler Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey.  Fun fact: I have only known one person who spelled his name "Jonathon" and he had sex in public rest stops in Louisiana and liked to fondle the hair of sleeping boys.    
 This Jonathon could give mine a run for his money, though, as IMPALER starts off a mocking documentary, sneering at The Impaler's quirks and bingo-hall bravado, but it gets really really weird when (SPOILER) it's revealed that Jonathon's half-sister Kat, whom he claims to have nailed, is actually an alternate personality of Jonathon himself!!  Beyond that insanity, we spend lots of seedy time with Jonathon and delve into his mom-abused past and multiple fake deaths.  The worst traits of Satanists, wrestlers, and rednecks congeal into the cauldron of Jonathon.  Even given the traumas he allegedly suffered as a youth and all the hard luck, I still found it pretty hard to like him or feel for him.  He seems too infused with the spirit of every loud dumb redneck I've ever known.  I was rooting much more for his dingbat wife's kids to run away and escape to saner pastures.  


The film itself is pretty rough-looking, with gobs of handheld shots and minimal ambient lighting.  Parts of this drag and bore, but overall it's not a wasteful experience, albeit basically being just a sideshow.  

Watch it here.

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