Friday, August 3, 2012


"I want your hot steaming pussy blood all over my face!"

Well, yeah, it's a natural process.  Unfortunately for me, ROCKTOBER BLOOD has a big swath of boring between gems like the quote above.  I knew I was in trouble when this started off with a guy snapping, killing, then APPARENTLY dying.  "This had better not be a slasher," I says, but then "[x] YEARS LATER" appeared on the screen and I sighed.    Said guy is hard rocker Billy "Eye", who looks like the much-missed "Sweet and Sour" Larry Sweeney.  He kills everybody except Southern-twangin' Lynn, who I'm pretty sure uses "jacuzzi" as a verb at one point.  But then he dies!  Movie over, let's go home.

No such luck.  Lynn reunites Billy's cut-out-bin metal band Rocktoberblood (apparently it's all together, like Iwrestledabearonce).  They plan a tour and have a tour press party to prove it.

Guess what happens.  If you have seen a horror movie ever, you are probably correct!  People start dying in pretty pedestrian ways with the exception of this memorable moment--

Lynn starts seeing Billy everywhere, which leads her colleagues to suspect she's going crazy.  I will give the movie credit, I totally expected Billy to be all in her head and that Lynn was the real psycho killer.  I was wrong, but the straight-off-a-soap true explanation isn't a whole lot better.  ROCKTOBER doesn't diverge from slasher genre conventions all that much, so if you enjoy those, you'll probably dig it, but I was just waiting for it to be OVER.  I don't heart thrillers or mysteries all that much and I mostly watch movies to escape reality with aliens and Boggy Creek monsters or whatever.  So I'm probably not the ideal target audience here.

Positives: the music here is kick-ass and I would've loved more of it!  Also, aerobic-outfit framing with shadow, nummy.  

I'm probably going to end up Ranking the Heavy Metal Horror when I'm done with this spate of posts and ROCKTOBER BLOOD is probably going to end up in the middle near SHOCK 'EM DEAD.  It's not bad by any means, but it definitely doesn't hit the crazy highs of something like BLACK ROSES.  

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