Saturday, March 30, 2013

MANBORG (2011)

Here's the deal: the Earth faced its gravest threat when war erupted with Hell.  We can argue about whose fault it was and how much Bush knew, but the fact of the matter is that Hell's superior technology (iPhone 6 [I'm not going for the cheap 666 joke]) ensured Earth's easy defeat.  Now, our modest planet is ruled by legions of demons and only a ragtag squad of videogame character-type people can save us.  And MANBORG.


Cozily exulting in eighties big-box action VHS shenanigrams, MANBORG was filmed for the price of 1/6 of a Honda Fit in a Canadian garage.  The effects look like they were plucked from the 1993 version of Mortal Kombat or Doom, running on a Sega Genesis with a smoking motor.  The script is meta-ridiculous, the dialogue winningly inane.  A Japanese character named #1 Man refuses to wear a shirt and has Kung Fu Theater-style overdubbed lines like, "To the death, please!"  An Australian character named Justice can't read and can't dance, but gives both a college try.  


So, yeah, it's a blast.  MANBORG arrived at HorrorHound with lots of surrounding hype and, to be honest guys, I was frightened by the initial stages that this was another CABIN IN THE WOODS situation in which my hopes would soar & die like Icarus.  But then the Baron of Hell didn't know how to talk to a cute girl and the claymation monster showed up and "SUPER GREAT" was uttered!  And the world was suddenly super okay!  Given how seldom bad-on-purpose works out in practice, we should probably celebrate every instance of triumph and MANBORG triumphs hard.  

I like girls, SORRY

I go back and forth about whether I loved this or MANIAC more, but I did not power-walk through an entire convention of portly WALKING DEAD moms to try to find the MANIAC table, so what does that tell you?  (PS: I didn't find the MANBORG table, either, where the hell was it???)  If you love trash, you should certainly buy this on April 30 and, if you don't love trash, then you should go find a new place on the Internet to be.  Like evenmoregrumpycatpicturesyet.com.  Grumpy Cat or Manborg, you must choose and choose wisely.

No comments: