Saturday, October 18, 2014

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)

Dear Consumer, we understand that you enjoyed the first installment of Return of the Living Dead© and would like to direct your attention to this sequel.  As you can see, the barrels of Trioxin© that you loved in the first film are back!

FAQ #1: So are the punker kids and the punk soundtrack also back?  And was this directed by a returning Dan O'Bannon?  A: No, sorry, but we do have a child actor that we hired to make up for including no punks in this sequel!  And Dan O'Bannon was too busy with his piles of guns and porn periodicals, so we hired the director of Meatballs II to make this instead.  We feel that you'll be delighted!

FAQ #2: What about James Karen and Thom Mathews?  They were great in the original!  A: Yes!, Karen and Mathews are featured in Return of the Living Dead Part II©, but in different roles, but they basically do their entire routine from the original film.  It's like they're covering themselves and you're invited to the show!

FAQ #3: Okay, but the zombies?  Like the tar man?  A: We felt that the original tar man was a little outdated by 1988 standards, so we rebooted him in this rad new form!  Think how envious your pals will be when you throw down a tar man pog and they look at his perfect teeth.  Totally bitchin'!

FAQ #4: So at least you have zombies, so this is pretty much a 50/50 horror/comedy again, right? A: Horror movies don't sell.  It's 1988 and no one went to see Brain Damage or Lair of the White Worm, but they did go see The Naked Gun, so we made this like a Naked Gun with zombies.  The standard viewer should be diverted by this entertainment.  

FAQ #5: Ugh, really, why?  A:


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